Posts Tagged ‘Stained’

I know today is Fathers Day but I want to take a moment and share something inspired by my wife. There is a song by Stained that always makes me think of our relation. It is called “Believe”. It is exactly what our relationship use to be and currently is.

Those of you who have read my past posts know that I was and can still be a very difficult person to love and be around at time. My wonderful has stuck with me for over eleven years. This song is an almost perfect representation of what I feel about her.

I sit alone and watch the clock

Trying to collect my thoughts

All I think about is you

And so I cry myself to sleep

And hope the devil I don’t meet

In the dreams that I live through

This verse makes me think of how I currently feel when I reflect on things. If I sit a think about all that I have done it makes me want to cry. All I want is to never go back to those ways

Believe in me

I know you’ve waited for so long

Believe in me

Sometimes the weak become the strong

Believe in me

This life is not always what it seems

Believe in me

Cause I was made for chasing dreams

She always would tell me that she stayed because she would see parts of the real me peek through. I was too weak to know how to express myself in the ways I wanted to. So I would use anger and violence. Now I have been able to find the strength to be healthy or at least I am working on it.

All the smiles you had to fake

And all the shit you had to take

Just to lead us here again

I never have the things to say

To make it all just go away

To make it all just disappear

I think this one is self-explanatory. She had to fake so much and take a great deal of shit in our early marriage. And all just to get back to what was her normal everyday. I never knew how bad it really was so I never tried to make it disappear.

Believe in me

I know you’ve waited for so long

Believe in me

Sometimes the weak become the strong

Believe in me

This life is not always what it seems

Believe in me

Cause I was made for chasing dreams

Now she has a relationship that can be healthy. I now am chasing the dream of improvement and growth. I also am chasing the dream of being self-employed so she can have everything that she deserves for all the crap she dealt with. I know she feels overwhelmed but she still supports me the whole time.

Its my life

Its my choice

Hear my words

Hear my voice

And just believe

I sit alone and watch the clock

Trying to collect my thoughts

And all I think about is you

If you believe in me

Life is not always what it seems

Believe in me

Cause I was made for chasing dreams

I have taken control of my life. It is now truly mine. I am working to react the way I want. I now choose my reaction instead of allowing them to choose me. I am not perfect, I don’t think I ever will be. But with the support of my wonderful wife I know I can chase that dream… because you were willing to “believe” in me!

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