Posts Tagged ‘comfort zone’

One of my worse character flaws, as my wife will gladly tell you, is I take myself way to serious. I have a hard time loosening up and just being myself. I always feel this overwhelming need to put up a front. To have a facade for the world. I am afraid that if I show people who I truly am they will not like me. If they reject the facade then that is okay because they are not really rejecting me.

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I amIt can be hard to see myself as a strong or fearless or wise. I can often focus too much on my faults and shortcomings. They seem to stick out to me like red flag on my psyche.  I feel like everyone seems my weakness or my fear or my foolishness before they see me.  So I would use my anger as a way to hide this and create a facade that would look like all that I felt I was not.  I would hide my fear because it was weak to be afraid.  I would act strong because weakness was a flaw I could not allow myself to have.  I would act wise by not getting close to people and being myself, because acting foolish was not allowed.  It has taken much effort on my part to see that fatal flaw in this thought process.

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comfort-zonesI have this problem.  First I hate when I have a plan for a particular day and it gets changed.  Second I will sulk if I am forced to get out of my comfort zone.  Like many people with anger problems I do not like to leave my little box I have created for myself.  My wife is great at making plans and not telling me until the day of or at best the day before.  I know she does this because I have a thing where I will try anything to get out of it.  Given enough time I can come up with a great many reasons why I don’t want to do something.  All in an attempt to maintain my little “boxed” world I enjoy so much.

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