stressed-fryI have a hard time with stress.  I am dealing with stress from my mother.  Her and I are having a bit of a disagreement right now over some things that have happened.  I m also dealing with stress from doctors and the current problems I am having with my eyes and my vision.  anyone who knows me well will tell you I don’t do stress.  I have a hard time letting it go.  I know stress serves a purpose for us in our lives.  I just have a difficult time letting it serve its purpose and then moving on from it.  what purpose does stress serve for us, you ask?  I will elaborate on this.

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What does it mean to ask for forgiveness or to seek forgiveness?  How do we do this most difficult of tasks?  Some of us avoid it all together.  Others will only accept an apology if give in the exact way they feel is correct. I am aware that is a very broad topic and has many aspects to it.  In this post i will only cover a very limited part of this topic.  Mostly in how it relates to me and my current situation.

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The Dalai Lama tells us “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.  If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”  Compassion is the basic building block for a happy and healthy life.  Without it we go through life with a fear of the world.  We see others as out to get us.  Any mistake made was an intentional shot at us or a blow to knock us down.  We don’t see other as having good intentions.  it is this thought that causes us to lash out, to hurt others before they can hurt us.

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I amIt can be hard to see myself as a strong or fearless or wise. I can often focus too much on my faults and shortcomings. They seem to stick out to me like red flag on my psyche.  I feel like everyone seems my weakness or my fear or my foolishness before they see me.  So I would use my anger as a way to hide this and create a facade that would look like all that I felt I was not.  I would hide my fear because it was weak to be afraid.  I would act strong because weakness was a flaw I could not allow myself to have.  I would act wise by not getting close to people and being myself, because acting foolish was not allowed.  It has taken much effort on my part to see that fatal flaw in this thought process.

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I was at the neurologist last week or so and we were talking about how to attack this problem with my vision and the pressure on the brain. He was laying out the different courses of action. I guess he could see my fear and apprehension about the whole thing. In that moment he said something that didn’t really hit me how true it was. He said “Doing nothing is not an option.”  This is something that I think applies to much of our lives.

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quote-Wayne-Gretzky-procrastination-is-one-of-the-most-common-63706I have good reason to believe that I am the worse offender of procrastination.  I will put things off, even to my detriment.  I will spend more energy to avoid doing the uncomfortable things then it would take to actually do them.  I do this in all parts of my life.  I will avoid the difficult conversations.  I will put off going to see a doctor.  I will wait until the last moment to start a project as work.  And so many more examples.  Why do I put things off until they go from mild annoyance to major problems?  There are many reasons for this.  Most of which I think are common for many people.  We are all not a different as we like to think we are.

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Are you successful?

Posted: May 18, 2015 in Reblogged
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Found this and thought it was a great read. I want to share this in hopes that others can learn this valuable lesson.

counselorssoapbox

By David Joel Miller.

What is success and how would you know if you were successful?

Successful children Being Successful
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Success is a slippery thing to catch hold of. When you say successful, most people think first of how much money someone makes. Money and success are not synonymous. Think about all those famous people, actors and musicians, that had the fame and the money but their life still ended up a disaster.

A few readers have responded to some past counselorssoapbox.com posts about success by telling me they did not care about being success because they were not all about money. In my thinking money and success are not the same thing, but for some people the thinking link between these two ideas is so strong they equate pursuing a goal other than money as not wanting to be “successful.” Some folks just can’t imagine being…

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BrokenThis is a topic that came up in my class last night.  I was teaching my women’s class and one of them just seemed to pop up out of nowhere with this comment, “OH, So I broke up with my boyfriend this week!”  This was said in a way that made me feel there was much more to this story.  So I stopped the planned lesson for that week and felt it best to explore this further.  I ask “What brought about this sudden change?”  Now I feel it is best to explain that she has had many conversations with the group about him and his angry, controlling ways.  I do not ever go so far in my class to tell someone they need to break off a relationship, I feel that would be crossing a very dangerous line.

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Sometimes things happen that cause the old me to come up and slap me in the face.  One of those times was today.  I use to be a very controlling person.  I know me, really?  Yes I was.  One of my favorite forms of control was passive-aggressiveness.  I would basically dare my wife to do something.  I would say I was okay with something when, in reality, I was not.  I would say things in a way that made her know I was going to give her a consequence if she did it.

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One of my biggest fears is of the unknown.  I think it is part my controlling personality.  I want to know what is coming up around the bend.  It absolutely terrifies me to not know what to expect and be unable to control it.  This is the exact position I currently find myself in.  Some major changes are happening in my life and I have no or very little control over them.  I know this is a bit of a departure from the normal posts on here but I need to get this out.  Plus I am sure I am not the only one who fears the unknown.

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