I was the Monster!

Posted: June 26, 2015 in Personal Story
Tags: , ,

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When Chrissy told me we were going to have a baby I was so scared. I was worried that with my anger problems and the fact that I didn’t really know my father that I would be unable to be a father. Sure my step dad was great. He was able to show me what it meant to be a good man and a good father. He was however not the person I shared half my DNA with. The person who I get half of myself and there for is also part of my children.

I knew he, this man I had only heard stories of, was able to walk away from his children. He had it in him to turn his back on two people who were part of him. If he was able to do this then it must be in me to be the say way. I was convinced that I would not be able to love my children the way they need a father to love them.

I picked several books on being a parent. I also found on being a father to a daughter. Anyone who has read even one of these books know that if you were not scared of being a father to a little girl before, you will be after you finish them. I read how a father is the standard for which she will judge all of her relationships with men. Now that is a scary thought.

If I mess this up she could find someone who is abusive to her, either physical, emotionally, or verbally. That is when it hit me the hardest. This person I was to my wife, to Chrissy, was the person I was worried about my girls being with one day. I was the monster I was afraid of lurking in the shadows of their future.

  1. Loren McCune says:

    You, sir, are a good father.


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