I Take Myself Way Too Seriously 

Posted: June 17, 2015 in Challenges
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One of my worse character flaws, as my wife will gladly tell you, is I take myself way to serious. I have a hard time loosening up and just being myself. I always feel this overwhelming need to put up a front. To have a facade for the world. I am afraid that if I show people who I truly am they will not like me. If they reject the facade then that is okay because they are not really rejecting me.

I think we all try to live by some label. Some we choose, like the serious metalhead, some we are given, like the dork I was called in high school. Some we just seem to never let go of. To this day I don’t see myself as someone who will ever be a real writer or speaker. I was terrible at both in high school, in fact I never really read a single book or did any written reports. I was petrified to stand in front of the class to give a report. Yet when I got on stage with my various bands in my teens and early twenties I could relish the spot light and being the center of attention.

My wife will tell you this is because up there I let the real me come out. The one not afraid of judgment. The one not scared to look a bit foolish if it will entertain someone. The one who will be social and out going. I at time even know this person is in there just hiding so he is safe. Safe in the world he controls. Unable to really find a way to be free.

It is in this freedom that I want to set him, me, free. I want to be social and outgoing with all people I meet. I want to not hide my sense of humor for fear the I will be judged as stupid. I would love to find a way to be this person much more and the ass that most of the world get to see much less.

I will make the effort to seek out the uncomfortable situations that is so often avoid. In this way I can grow. I can continue on my path of personal growth to become a more complete me. I know I can do this I just need to make the first scary leap into that new dark seemingly bottomless pit. I must take comfort in that fact that it is not as dark once I allow myself to adjust to this new reality of this new me.

Wish me luck!


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