I Never Knew Just How Bad My Passive Aggressive Challenges Were

Posted: May 11, 2015 in Personal Story
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Sometimes things happen that cause the old me to come up and slap me in the face.  One of those times was today.  I use to be a very controlling person.  I know me, really?  Yes I was.  One of my favorite forms of control was passive-aggressiveness.  I would basically dare my wife to do something.  I would say I was okay with something when, in reality, I was not.  I would say things in a way that made her know I was going to give her a consequence if she did it.

Here is what happened today that brought that back to my attention quickly.  My wife called me this afternoon at work and said she wanted to go over to a friend’s house tonight.  I said “Yeah, do whatever you would like.”

I meant that in a very serious way.  I did not care if she went over there to hang out.  But I guess this was one of the ways I would word things when I would be daring her.  So I got the old me in her response.  “Are you sure or is this one of your passive aggressive challenges?”

This was really hard for me to hear.  I knew I was a jerk and a control freak but I didn’t realize it was to that extent.  If after 5 years of me working on self-improvement she still questions my motives I must have been really hard to live with.  I have often heard that the emotional scares were hard to heal but this made that all to real.  I have done some damage to her that will take some time and understanding on my part to undo.

She may never really get past the fear of my old reactions.  She may alway have some little voice in her head telling her that I am testing her and if she doesn’t do things the way I want she will have to suffer in someway.  I am hopeful that this will someday pass.

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