My Inner Voice is a Jerk

megaphone-297467_640I am a fat piece of crap!

At least that is what my inner voice wants me to believe.  It is hard to argue with that person sometimes.  He can be loud and will not shut up until I just agree.  I have to accept what he has said.  If I try to disagree he can come up with dozens of reasons why he is right.  So where did this inner voice come from?  Why is he so loud at times?  And how do I shut him out so he can’t control me?

Mine will often tell me things like “That is a bad idea!” “You will fail if you try, so why try!” “You have no friends, no one cares about you.  When you die it will be a sad lonely funeral for the 3 people who show up!”

The worse part is I will believe him on occasion.  I will allow that negative, whiny, downer get to me.  It is easy to just look at the negative of my life sometimes.  If I wanted to I could allow that voice to rule my entire life.  I could just blindly accept what he says a gospel.  This would sure make him happy.

I really feel that this negative voice that most of us have comes from our parents.  We hear the either talk about us or others in a negative way.  We will hear them say “That person is an idiot to try to be that.”  “Why can’t you just work harder and improve.  It’s not that hard.” “Look at him, he looks ridiculous.”

All this gets in our heads and we start to feel if my parents feel that way about me then it must be true. If they feel that way about them, how do they feel about me.  We start to see ourselves through the lens they provide for us.  Our parents can either do this consciously or subconsciously.  Either way as children this has a huge impact on us.

The harder and more we heard the negative degradation of ourselves or others, the louder this voice will be in adulthood.  If they were alway going on about how we are not trying hard enough we will have that voice yell the loudest.  If they say someone homeless and always had a nasty comment about they are just lazy or refuse to get a job.  We will hear this come through very loud.  Whatever they had the strongest option on is our loudest voice.

When I was growing up all I heard was how I was not reaching for my full potential.  How I was lazy and never wanted to try to get better at school.  Now I admit I really didn’t care much about grades or studying.  I could have certainly done better.  What did all the negative and belittling get my parents?  A child who would only care just enough to keep them off his back.  I only put in just enough effort to get by.

What does this have to do with our inner voice?  Is this just the random side not of a wandering mind put on a screen?  Maybe!  Or i could be making a point.  (This is definitely a wandering mind on the screen!)

What was my point with that story.  For years I would live down to the level they would set for me.  I was called lazy so I acted lazy.  I was told I was putting in no effort so I put forth no effort.  This voice of theirs I carried into my adult life for years.  I was not until a few years ago I was able to let go of that part of me.  I learned that if I accept myself and know that I am putting in a real effort and I still come up short at least I tried.

Part of this is I had to know in my heart that I really was putting in that effort.  I had to make sure that my inner voice was not telling me I would fail so why try.  If I shut him out and go full speed or something and fail then I can accept it and move one.

Who is your inner voice?  What do they tell you that you can’t achieve?  Do you have a story you want to share of you over coming that inner voice?  Share it in the comments below.


4 thoughts on “My Inner Voice is a Jerk

  1. Loren McCune April 16, 2015 / 9:59 am

    I know fat pieces of crap when I see them. You are not a fat piece of crap! You, sir are valuable. Crap is not.


    • Matthew P. April 16, 2015 / 10:27 am

      Thank you. Like I said my inner voice can be very mean if I let him.


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